So, maybe this post is more about sexuality--i.e. sexual identity.
Is it important to have one? To be affirmed as having one? Is this an important aspect of who we are as individuals? Sure Cosmo would like us to think so along with shows like Sex in the City (which I have yet to see but know people who have), but what's the big deal?
When it comes to discovering myself I seem to be placing less and less emphasis on this. In my late teens/early twenties this was a different story since sex was new to me and thus very exciting. However, because of my awkwardness, and growing lack of interest in following magazine advice, I slowly began to wonder, who am I kidding? None of this is who I am. Sure I'm a sucker for romance but not when its rather transparent as to its purpose. I wish there were a such thing as sexuality being natural, but alas, like love and other forms/means of relation/expression, this too is learned to a large extent.
Yes, there's just knowing whom one is attracted to but beyond that lies "forbidden" and thus unexamined territory. No one in this efficiently shaming culture of ours dares properly teach us about this stuff (I can't even begin to imagine how it might be done). No labels are available for how one likes their experience to feel; such vocabulary seems nonexistent. The stuff that is out there I, once again, do not seem to find interest with.
Which again begs the question, is it really that important that this side of ourselves be well developed in order to be considered whole? My Mate is very sure of himself as a sexual being and knows his desires well. He is certain that this side of himself is not to be neglected. For myself, I am the exact opposite. Maybe it's because I have so much I need to learn but I wonder what the point of it is. Like my venture with statistics, sexuality for me has been a bumbling venture I am just no good at, making the idea of confident self-assertion rather humorous if not humiliating.
At the moment I am certain developing this side of myself will not make me a better person, which is why I wonder about the significance of sexuality (the same goes for pursuing statistics simply because it will make me a better researcher). It is also why I am willing to pass it off as a rather pointless venture that is only self-serving in the long run. But in doing this am I in some way denying myself the potential to become more whole (whatever that may mean)? No I have not stopped having sex, I just don't take it as seriously as others and especially our misguided culture seems to.
Those with differing experiences that might be informative about the subject are welcome to express their thoughts. I haven't completely closed my mind off to the possibility of exploring sexuality as an identity marker, just heavily questioning it is all.
By the way, I am normally not this candid about anything but I figured this is a fairly unexamined issue that might be in need of examination. For me, this might mean understanding myself a little better. Oh well, what will be of this post will be I guess. Thanks for venturing!
Until next time...
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