The Usefulness of Clairvoyance

something that i've come to realize about being over-educated is the lack of value and space for any sort of spirituality. as an emergent critical thinker it makes sense to see how practicing any sort of religious or spiritual practice, because of how oppressive surrounding beliefs like christianity can be, ends up being ultimately frowned upon, especially by academics. it seems that any perceived connection to spiritual things should be thought of as bouts of craziness or otherwise flawed states of being.

my encounters with post-modern fiction have helped in my thinking regarding the problematics of this way of being, of ignoring this spiritual part of ourselves. initially, i thought of this spiritual connection as being communicated to by god in various ways. then, after engaging in buddhism, i thought of this as my connection to the god within myself and the universe, its strength dependent on how often i practiced. i would think of story lines that support this train of thought, which would often take the form of a future self communicating to my present self in an attempt to guide my steps (which could explain my paralyzing indecisiveness at times). 

either way, i think we've lost touch with this part of ourselves that might make our lives a bit more complete and perhaps allow us to act a bit more intelligently. i find myself wondering about this the most when i experience deja vu. before when i would experience this, i would simply shrug it off as some freaky occurence. in that last few years however, i have come to appreciate this and try to pay special attention to it when it happens. i've come to think of it as a sign that i am on the right path--whatever path that may be. i can never tell when it's going happen but can estimate a time range of when the dream occurred, which is anywhere from months to years before the moment of deja vu occurs. which reminds me of another thing i have come to value, extremely vivid or reoccurring dreams, ones i may not understand but they have a feeling  of being important that is associated with them. maybe in later posts i'll share a couple that i felt the need to make note of. in addition to dreams, i have come to value horoscopes, especially those that i find speak directly to me. i'll share a couple that i've come to dwell on in later posts as well. 

for now, i want to touch on the problematics of dismissing these spiritual aspects of ourselves. for one, we loose touch with our humanity that much sooner by only looking at things as logically as possible. it reminds me of a post i did regarding "full metal alchemist" in which i discuss the quest for greatness and the fatal flaw of that quest being the removal of seemingly damaged or useless aspects of ourselves, which leads to misunderstandings along our journey that cause us to fail at our quest. i think that in becoming overly educated and being dismissive of our spiritual sides, we end up doing something very similar and run the risk of failing at our pursuit or at least reaching an outcome that is a reflection of our mutilated selves (if that makes sense). 

the only times i felt a spiritual connection when doing something academically was when i came to understand little and great understanding among other elements of arts based research that elated me to the point of being convinced i was in love with what i was doing at the moment (it felt so wonderful to engage in understanding and knowledge in such soulful ways), and when i was drawing to replicate real-life objects. it was during this moment in particular that i felt like i was fellowshipping with what was around me. that i was truly trying to connect with the flower, or tree, or person i was attempting to draw (maybe i was connecting with them). i also was elated and rejoiced in this realization as to what i was doing.

 i think paying attention to these moments, be they dreams, spiritual awakenings, art or fill-in-the-blank, can teach us things about the world around us as well as ourselves and humanity in general. there was nothing like playing the cello, writing and doing poetry, praying the rosary, or listening to radiohead that could aid me in connecting to understanding my soul and my current cirumstances at the time (this was many years ago). in anchoring myself in these ways, i was able to survive a troubling time and not become completely numb to life in general. education has its place, but it tends to shut out these very useful aspects that help us connect to ourselves and others in ways that rational thinking and theory cannot do alone. i find myself yearning for these connections once more with other people and on a deeply spiritual level that defies, yet can work in conjunction with all that is thought to be rational.

thoughts?

until next time...

Books and Keeping Track of What I Read

So, in the last few months, I've read more fiction on a weekly basis than I think I ever have in my entire life. Who has time for fiction when academia is hounding you to read painfully boring stuff--and I mean wanting to spoon out my eyeballs and burn them so I have an excuse as to why I can't read, cause they couldn't have possibly published all those academic articles in braille right?

Any who, thanks to an American postmodern fiction class I took, I've finally had the chance to read stuff classified as academic that expanded on my thinking about certain things. The class was like a book club for academic nerds. I certainly was able to re-examine theories I came across previously through novels like Jazz by Toni Morrison, Neuromancer by William Gibson, Woman Warrior by Maxine Hong Kingston,  The Lone Ranger and Tonto Fistfight in Heaven  by Sherman Alexie, and Maus by Art Spiegelman (which I haven't touched since third grade).These are books I would not have touched otherwise and was glad I forced myself into a situation where I had to. Being able to think about things like identity formation and becoming,and the role of history, culture, environment etc., in all of this, through works of fiction of the most truthful sort, is a nice alternative to all theory all the time, which is at times the blandest way to encounter knowledge. Needless to say, I've enjoyed my time in the world of fiction almost as much as I enjoy my time watching thought-provoking anime/Japanese animated shows/movies. I now desire to communicate my findings in the world of theory in similar ways--except maybe in graphic novel form, and no not the academic ones that are actually paper tranquilizers with pictures.

It's been a while since I've read these books but the ideas communicated still pop up from time to time. I wonder how effective it would be to take notes from these novels, like I would my academic texts...Would I be academizing an artform and thus rendering it boring? Who knows, but I've gotta keep better track of what I read sand my mind isn't the most reliable place at the moment.

Oh yeah, so a friend of mine lent me a few books I consumed rather quickly and would like to incorporate into my understanding of love/ loving practice, becoming, and the place of violence in all of this. I'm still grappling with the necessity of violence in the process of becoming and rethinking what this means. The books are Parable of the Sower and Parable of the Talents by Octavia Butler. As with the previously mentioned novels and authors--except Spiegelman--I have never read any of her work but have always heard about how amazing she is and have now seen for myself. I enjoyed Parable of the Sower more (I don't know, it just seemed more impactful in its messaging) because it made me revisit my wanderings in attempting to understand alchemy--read The Alchemist  by Paulo Coelho a while back among other brief texts about alchemy and everything. Now I just have to revisit and synthesize everything in an attempt to come to my own understanding of all of this complicated stuff! But who has time for that? I've gotta learn some new learning software for a class I'm teaching in a few weeks!

For now I'll take what I can get. I kinda wish I had more friends who read cool books they could loan me, or at least had a suggestion or two. I really don't have time to but if it's juicy, I'll make time dammit! I mean fiction of course, and am beginning to favor postmodern styles more and more, which includes graphic novels too! Reminds me to include The Eternal Smile  by Gene Luen Yang  in my attempted synthesis. Good stuff.

So yeah, any suggestions for what to read that is related to anything mentioned here or elsewhere in this bloggy-blog is welcome. No guarantees I'll read it, but will try if you really want me to. I also wish I could discuss these books with someone and not just internet paper...

Oh well, until next time...  

Stories I have yet to tell but would like to someday pt. 2

So, in the last five (actually more than five) years, the latest story lines I've pondered have had to do with angels. Loosely biblical in that they all have jobs they are born into (via creation)--which is their title--and serve God (an amoral being in this fictional setting) these angels, also have powers associated with their jobs. I've thought about and began developing a string of characters for one story line, while the other is still in the stages of being imagined out. Both are in serious need of being fleshed out. My fatal flaw in doing this is that it's easier to imagine the stories in my head (and super cool scenes that could be in them) than it is to write it out and actually grapple with making sense of all this madness. But on to the ideas...

"Untitled" (seriously I don't know what to call it yet)--generated during undergrad years

I probably developed too many characters for this one--and have toyed around with separate stories and story lines that deal with them in groups but the overarching story line deals with this premise:
Heaven and Hell are planets hidden from Earth (a purgatory of sorts for both planets) by gateways. Heaven is the home base for God and the angels. God is not present in these story lines but the laws of God are (all of which I have not yet firmly established). Angelic beings found in violation of these laws are sent to Earth in a sentencing ritual that takes place at a gateway found in the middle of the planet. Senders (an angelic job class) are tasked with handing down the sentencing and forcing the guilty party out by way of a giant hammer which has an embossed halo at its end that is inscribed into the Fallen's  body when hit with it. This parting blow sends them through the gateway to Earth shedding them of their angelic flesh and becoming a human soul to be born somewhere on Earth to begin their atonement.

The ritual is so devastatingly violent that a large amount of the Fallen forget their origins and simply grow up and live as humans. There are few ways in which they are able to recognize their true origins 1) they are contacted by Communicators on Heaven and given a task to fulfill--the completion of which allows for their record to be reviewed for re-admittance into Heaven 2) they make contact with another that has shared a significant connection with them while on Heaven and 3) they sustain a connection with their status for a significant amount of time on Earth that awakens memories of their status on Heaven--something that often occurs in adulthood. Once their origins are recognized, these individuals have a choice to make--fulfill the duties they were sentenced to fulfill in order to be reconsidered for re-admittance into Heaven, or simply continue living on Earth and being judged upon their death for admittance to Heaven or Hell (not a terrible place but a dystopian one nonetheless).

Whew! And that's just the premise!

So with this story, or series of stories, I follow several individuals who have become aware of their origins and thus their associated powers. Angelic categories developed so far include: Guardians (which includes Humanes, Plantaeous, Earthers, Animalia, Insectors, among others; each has a breakdown of sub categories except for the Humanes), Seraphs (or Archangels--which I have taken to mean the bringers of death),  Elementals (for their control and guidance of Earth's various elements), and Cherubs (bringers of love--and not always the stereotypical kind).

When accessing the powers within their souls, their eye color changes and is associated with their angelic class.

With the varied realizations is a coming to grips with their "crimes" on Heaven and their lives up to that point. Some have hungered or have been haunted by the need to establish a connection with another Heavenly being in order to do right by them, or bring to close the situation that led to their exile in the first place, regardless of whether or not it gets them back into Heaven; like Isis, Psyche, Focus, and Twadeah. Others have hungered for some sense of worth through which near self-destruction has led to their awakening; like Halo, Nova, Zero, Panther, and Feather (that's right I began character/name recycling). Others have started their own underground organizations which the Fallen become involved in in order to assist humanity (mostly  Humanes), Earth in general (an amoral undertaking at times by the other Guardians), or simply reconnect with their past lives as Heavenly beings; like the Bluebird Assassins which primarily consists of Seraphs like Canary, Sparrow, Redd, Falcon, and Stellar.

Sometimes these groups interact with one another in positive and negative ways. But I wanted to follow and develop stories, and adventures surrounding individuals who at one point were hapless but become empowered, all while struggling with what it means to be who they are, what they really want from life (to return to Heaven or just live as beings with angelic souls), and how they should live knowing what they do.

Other "Untitled" story--graduate school years 

Taking off from parts of the premise that involves angelic beings and planets Heaven and Earth, I came up with a different story line. This one chronicles the lives of angelic beings before they were exiled onto Earth to be born as humans. As they grow up, these beings--in their infantile stages up to the moment of childhood where they completely cease speaking gibberish--still maintain memories and the languages (observed as gibberish by adults) their home planet; however their infantile brains are incapable of full articulation or being understood by humans, which leads to much frustration by some of these infants. This is something that fades as they mature into their human selves and is forgotten completely once they stop speaking gibberish--or practicing the last remembrances of their connection to their angelic selves and planet.

I got this idea from listening to my Sonny Buns make up his own language and at times going on an on in gibberish (he's four by the way and so far an only child) in ways that make me think maybe his is saying something in some other language. Maybe growing up is the severance of our connection to heaven or at least ourselves as angels in heaven.

Backbone Snacks: Misadventures in Dystopia (title still being revised)--graduate school years

This story chronicles Sun's (short for Sunshine) journey through a Societology seminary where she hopes to become a priest that can help others. Aided by her closest friends Santos and Feather, she struggles through the first of three trials--Design (the others being Mastery, and Faith)--in order to validate herself to the other Priests and Father--the head of the seminary (now a status fulfilled by any gender). During this time, Sun and the others are aware that the Priests, the Father, and other Acolytes (the status of Priests in training), learn to maintain their status by un/knowingly consuming the backbones of others that are powerless.

One's backbone  is a source of strength and ability to stand one's ground--one's dignity resides in their backbones, which are mercilessly harvested by the powerful. This essence is ripped from one's spine making it a violent and traumatic occurrence (I was thinking of the stripping of Wolverine's adamantium in "Fatal Attractions" as a depiction of this act) that can wipe out a good amount of one's memories of the event and what led up to it. At its worst a person can be gravely injured and loose a significant amount of memory.

Additional aspects of this dystopian world include one's soul being housed in an orb separate from their beings, Acolytes that are housed directly at the Seminary of their choosing (there are tons of specialties to become a Priest in) enhancements through cybernetics which can result in deformities on the body and or mind--where most implants are placed.

This is one story I've actually begun writing. It might end up being a short story but is quite lengthy based on what I have to add. Haven't touched it in a few months, but I liked the direction it was going. This was my autoethnographic fictional piece that chronicles my trials and tribulations experienced in graduate school (not much of a secret for those of you that know).

Well that's all for the story ideas at the moment--minus the super cool action sequences I dreamed up for the angelic sagas. Just had to get these ideas down on internet paper. Cannot keep track of them in my brain.

Thanks for listening.

Later...

Stories I have yet to tell but would like to someday

So, after reading this series of posts, I've decided to at least chronicle all the stories, starting from eighth grade, I've attempted to develop and ideas I've had in my head. Most of these involve super-powered beings (what can I say? Reading Marvel does things for the imagination sometimes). So here it goes:

"The Crew"--eighth grade
This story featured an alter-ego of me. The main character, Panther (that's right my power was that I could either partially or fully morph into a panther), after finding out her powers as a teenager, runs away from a crappy existence at home and stays with a friend Canary who--along with her family--so happens to be part of an espionage network of people with and without powers, The Crew. Panther and Canary (no powers) join a team that includes Redd and Cosmo, and the four have awesome adventures and a few close calls. Needless to say, her life gets interesting as she gets to meddle in affairs that the rest of humanity knows nothing about--you know, monsters, aliens, and the like, kicking ass the entire way. I intended it to be a comic book series.

 Just one of those fantasies a kid has after watching Foxy Brown and James Bond flicks--fantasies of being taken seriously, kicking ass first and taking names later. You know, the complete opposite of my then crappy life.

"Bluebird Assassins"--high school
This was more of an idea I had about a group of young adults that find one another after discovering their parents were part of an assassins network and that they have been genetically enhanced to one day continue doing their jobs--something that manifests in the form of a mind trigger once they are of age (18) and the parent in question has been offed (if this were to happen while under-aged, their trigger wouldn't happen until they reached 18). Part of this trigger puts in the possessor a need to find something that has been lost, something that they are attracted to--their parents' secret arsenal which has a video that, once watched initiates them into the group Feather. Oddly enough this occurs with three of the kids at once (Stellar, Crowe, and, Robin), whom bring in the other two (Blue, and Jaye--twin girls) after finding out their parents were killed as well.

Things are fine for awhile as they find their way in the world of assassins, but the story ends up being about Blue and Jaye going their separate ways as Blue wants to trade this way of life for one of atonement while Jaye is more than okay with fulfilling the role she was designed to fulfill.

Again another fantasy world of action and adventure where my alter ego Blue is once more empowered and awesome, even in her quest for some sense of agency in her life.

Up next--recent (5yrs to present) stories and ideas