the jung typology test

according to the above test, i am considered infp! that is:

introverted
iNtuitive
feeling
perceiving

cool beans, but what does this mean? i like what this site had to say:

Healers present a calm and serene face to the world, and can seem shy, even distant around others. But inside they're anything but serene, having a capacity for personal caring rarely found in the other types. Healers care deeply about the inner life of a few special persons, or about a favorite cause in the world at large. And their great passion is to heal the conflicts that trouble individuals, or that divide groups, and thus to bring wholeness, or health, to themselves, their loved ones, and their community.

Healers have a profound sense of idealism that comes from a strong personal sense of right and wrong. They conceive of the world as an ethical, honorable place, full of wondrous possibilities and potential goods. In fact, to understand Healers, we must understand that their deep commitment to the positive and the good is almost boundless and selfless, inspiring them to make extraordinary sacrifices for someone or something they believe in. Set off from the rest of humanity by their privacy and scarcity, Healers can often feel even more isolated in the purity of their idealism.

Also, Healers might well feel a sense of separation because of their often misunderstood childhood. Healers live a fantasy-filled childhood-they are the prince or princess of fairy tales-an attitude which, sadly, is frowned upon, or even punished, by many parents. With parents who want them to get their head out of the clouds, Healers begin to believe they are bad to be so fanciful, so dreamy, and can come to see themselves as ugly ducklings. In truth, they are quite OK just as they are, only different from most others-swans reared in a family of ducks.


At work, Healers are adaptable, welcome new ideas and new information, are patient with complicated situations, but impatient with routine details. Healers are keenly aware of people and their feelings, and relate well with most others. Because of their deep-seated reserve, however, they can work quite happily alone. When making decisions, Healers follow their heart not their head, which means they can make errors of fact, but seldom of feeling. They have a natural interest in scholarly activities and demonstrate, like the other Idealists, a remarkable facility with language. They have a gift for interpreting stories, as well as for creating them, and thus often write in lyric, poetic fashion. Frequently they hear a call to go forth into the world and help others, a call they seem ready to answer, even if they must sacrifice their own comfort.


Not to say all of this pertains to me 100 %--i do strive to eventually follow through with the last part for instance. most of it resonates with me quite well in any case. 


any one else want to give it a shot? what  are you and do you agree with the assessment?
http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes2.asp

until next time...

Unwelcome visit from an old friend pt. 2: conference blues

after a visit in conference-land, my self-esteem plummeted to a familiar low.
i held a workshop oriented session that discussed love and social justice. i made sure to inform the participants that i was by no means an expert on anything and was basing the workshop on three books i read on the matter: The Art of Loving, All About Love, and Strength to Love. i'm not sure how well things went. there was positive affirmations from my friends, but the one individual from another university who did attend presented her card to one of my friends...a participant...and walked off.

the thing about this friend is that he is way smart, brilliant even. i tend to befriend people i admire for their positive vibes and smarts. i know i can learn something from them and grow with them as a result (i have yet to figure out what it is i give to such awesome people). any who, sensitivity set in and needless to say i began to have massive doubts.

with most (probably all) of the people i consider friends, i find myself to be not exactly their equal. in retrospect of hanging out with most of them, i see myself as the "ugly friend". not as smart, not as articulate, not as hip, not nearly as cool. from time to time a few will tell me what they see in me (not from prompting mind you) and i wonder why i can't see these things for myself.

what else could it mean that i am not acknowledged for the workshop given, but my friend is? yes, he made some good thought provoking points and does not hold back on positing an issue that implicates authority figures (we're both graduate students in the same program). like i said he's brilliant.

my purpose was not necessarily to be an expert on the areas of love and social justice, simply to facilitate discussion on what we know and a fragment of the literature that discusses love and social justice. in the end it seems that the pleasure in intellectual masturbation must be satisfied and i did not do it for this particular professor. cue song this moment reminds me of!

still i feel as though i'm always coming up short. why is it so important to be one of the cool kids? as much as my friend shies away from these modes of being, if he choose to, he could totally be in like flynn (whatever that means but you get the point i hope). i on the other hand would have to undergo a radical transformation for this to happen. this would include, being smarter than everyone, being cooler than everyone (which involves having traveled the world, being dressed to the nines, being a few degrees of separation from some celebrity, having a clique, having an air of awesomeness about me, charisma, beauty and grace, and impeccable timing and taste. the ability to go out with folks on a whim is a necessary facet as well.), and somehow just being plain worthy of acknowledgement whenever i speak. a previous post on the matter touches on why this isn't already the case. 

i don't know. affirmation is nice, but it would also be nice to be able to see what others claim to see. i just don't get it. here i am feeling like i'm in eternal high school, and i hated high school! that's why i did a high school/college credit program that allowed me to do community college--to hang out with adults who could care less about that stuff (the classes were pretty cool too). having a positive attitude only gets me so far when stuff like being excluded continually happens. makes me wonder if i left, if my absence would be noticed?

oh well, at least my son still likes hanging out with me, which makes me dread the teenage years.

when i feel this low, only one thing left to do, chant like crazy and reconnect myself and the universe around me. that and walk it off...hit it rj and aaron!

until next time...

Theme of current path of study

Lately, I've been thinking, reading, and writing about love (for example....). I've learned that self-love is important to being able to act lovingly towards others. When talking about love, I mean to abide by lenses provided by Erich Fromm (2000) and bell hooks (2000) on the matter. Specifically, that love is an action that involves care, respect, responsibility, and knowledge, which is aided by commitment, trust, and open honest communication. I've come to the temporary conclusion that in order to do this effectively, it is necessary to begin with self-love, which requires critical self-examination. How can I consider myself capable of acting out of love for others through my endeavors when I cannot do the same for myself? This is how I've arrived at the conclusion that acting confidently in and out of love requires that I am able to do this with myself first. But maybe this is a journey that makes acting on self-love and love of humanity simultaneously more possible than I realize. Or maybe it is a necessity that I treat my endeavors in this way.

In any case, I realize how estranged I am from myself--mind, body, and spirit--and how necessary it is to critically examine who I am and what guides my actions, good, bad, and everything in between. Acknowledging all aspects that make me who I am, I've determined, will allow me to comfortably do the same for others regardless of who they are. I am currently grappling with the more negative aspects of myself--the stuff I feel I could do without--and what it would mean to accept these things instead of reject and sever them from my being. After pondering about this in relation to Full Metal Alchemist (did I mention I love that show? Both of them?)  I know I should be intentional about accepting all of who I am and working with what I have, not matter how detestable my negative elements may seem. I'm still not sure if this means finding the positive in these not-so-desirable attributes but maybe accepting them is all that matters.

Wanting to recognize and accept this wholeness that is myself so that I can do the same for others brings me to this song, which I find to be about the desire for human connection be it with the self, with others, or with the self and others simultaneously.

At the moment, I find this song to be about opening up and transcending isolation by acknowledging those aspects that are essential to making us living human beings and all that implies (again, whether this occurs on an individual or group level).

(not the video I was going for  but it's the song that matters here!)

This is the kind of elation I feel when I connect with others in meaningful ways, and when I find those things, be it books, music, etc. that connect with something within myself. This is the type of elation I'd like to continue to encounter as I move forward.

Thoughts?
Recommended readings?

Well, until next time...