This is a piece I did for an art final I have yet to title. Maybe something like Desires or Letting Go... It was done on a large sheet of paper with charcoal (my drawing arch nemesis).  It had to have a narrative surrounding it as well as a self-portrait of sorts. In a sense this piece is a reflection of my inability to articulate my ideas clearly. So here is an attempt to clarify this highly amateur work. So much for show and don't tell...

The foreground and background are meant as layers to a rather complex quest toward a desire towards peace and prosperity internally and externally. In the background, starting at the left, is a space filled with concrete and what is largely a socially constructed world that in its own way is quite 'natural' in the ways we live within it. Because I am in academia, I put in an artificial tree with papers for leaves. The road at its boundaries is asphalt. There is only one way to go about existence on this side. Unconsciously or in retrospect, this is a representation of living in a "left-brained" world. A world run by absolute logic and reason considered to be near infallible.

On the right there are living things--grass and flowers, a 'real' tree and a river serving as the boundary. This is meant to represent the other end of the spectrum and the opposite of absolute logic and reason. A place where creativity and emotion is allowed to thrive. Water representing the fluidity of consciousness and thought. A road with many possibilities for travel. An element where reality and fantasy can reside in realms like storytelling. Once more, in retrospect, a representation of living in a "right-brained" world.  The two 'roads' mimic one another, showing the dialectics of one informing the other.In the middle is a valley of tall grass meant to serve as negative space--a path that is the balance point between reason and fluidity. A space connecting the two modes of thought and being. Where both ways of thought coexist harmoniously. This is my illustration of what such a path--where there is appreciation for both modes of thinking and being--might look like. It is tough to imagine a more fitting representation despite the words of wisdom cautioning not to travel completely on one road and forsake the other (although it is more than tempting for me to want to cast aside the path and place of absolute reason at times). This is the road and place I would like to discover for myself,  a path and place of balance in thought, reasoning and being.

In the foreground is the self-portrait of my hands. They are bloodied and reaching. The object they are reaching for is the sun within which is a peony. This object is a representation of inner and outer peace and prosperity. For me this means doing well by others as well as myself. Working toward the betterment of humanity. Working toward peace, love and happiness as a focal point of my travels. Like the sun, it is out of reach and perhaps a naive and idealistic quest that is has a rather vague goal. I am unsure of what this type of endeavor looks like in a concrete manner since this journey is one that in some respects has been traveled and is heavily reliant on the path of reason, the path that has made sense to me. In other respects this--traveling along the path of reason--is not the case in that my desires are not concrete and perhaps unattainable--especially the betterment of humanity and doing something that helps others, let alone wanting to find inner peace, love , and happiness.

What has bloodied my hands is tin flower with jagged razor edges. This flower represents the beauty of ideals that have become rather painful and self-harming to hold on to. Adhering to authority figures because it  keeps one out of trouble and unquestioned obedience are examples of this. Adhering to tenets of logic and reason, though I've never fully understood them, has become quite painful and oppressive. Abiding by rules that are quite arbitrary in that not everyone has to in order to do well in their journey i.e working hard and reaping the benefits of one's labors, and the old adage, no pain, no gain. These are things that have resulted in much pain and misery yet are difficult to let go of because I've known nothing else and am afraid of being penalized or loosing my way.

I understand that in going for ones goals, hopes and dreams--striving fully--reaching out means letting go. Of  fear, pain of the past and present, and perhaps of control as well. It means leaving behind things I've learned, 'truths' that might no longer be relevant if I am to truly understand and strive for my goals. And perhaps it means trusting completely in myself.

I've been thinking a lot about my journey in dichotomies. Two extremes, either this or that, nothing in between. This has been the nature of my existence and it is hard to think beyond one or the other. This piece is a depiction of a desire to move away from that. To move toward a space with a great amount of possibility in thought and being. Maybe freedom is what I'm after.

Thanks for bearing with me on this.

Up next, a dichotomous way of expressing this desire but hopefully no less of a sense of liberation is attached.