Academia is so much like church sometimes it sickens me. The final straw would be a collection plate going around with the professor/preacher justifying why your money should continue to go in. Then again, that comes in the form of tuition and fees, so there's no need. What there continues to be a need for, is the kind of preaching, certain churches are notorious for; where in order to make a point--and usually a weak one--some entity needs to be berated as an example of why the teaching makes sense. Sure we could all be a little kinder to each other, but did you have to bash the shit out of so-and-so's point of view just now? Where is the kindness in that? Oh you mean we should enact a kind of social justice that is connective and compassionate but will judge the crap out of anyone who uses commercial means like the only store in town in order to make such connectiveness a reality? Real classy. And just what are people supposed to do to share resources, make them out of whatever is around the house? Am I going to turn my nose up at somebody's contribution just because I came from a huge corporation? Hell to tha naw! I will instead be grateful as all get out that we were able to pool our resources enough to help each other out at all. Growing food and sharing it is one thing, but is a potluck really that bad if someone made an apple pie from the apples they can only afford to buy at Wally's World? Has the spirit of community been undermined by such a heinously evil act? Hard not to get that messaging from a person who will turn around and try not to be classist about the fact that sometimes our choices are that limited when it comes to shopping.
Judgement is often cast the harshest within the walls of academia with the don't do this or this, and then turn around and do just that because that's how they keep their jobs. Not cool dude, not cool. How am I supposed to model this ideal behavior when I keep receiving the exact kind of modeling I've been receiving for years, only this time it's packaged as somehow radical or liberatory? Can't help but see right through that one. Not to say that there is no hope. I mean at least the professor/preacher is mindful enough to know what is happening is f--ed up, just not enough to know when they are participating in the perpetuation of it. We are complex creatures, we human beings, but those who find themselves in positions of power and privilege either flaunt it shamelessly or pretend like they aren't doing it or that they even have such things! And this is not a pipe (that I wish I were using to bash my brains out for having once more subjected myself to such nonsense)! But I digress, just like the other beloved preacher/professors who love to go off on the kind of tangents reminiscent of the kind found in "Don't be a Menace" when that reformed prisoner is preaching away. And is it really the so-called leaders in academia that should really be sought out as potential enactors of social justice? This is not what I intend to be about. I try to live it, but who am I kidding?
Of course I am guilty of judging and would try to justify it with some reasoning like, isn't the point of judgment to know what not to do in the quest to reclaim oneself, to adhere to a higher ideal even? How does one respond compassionately to such happenings? To listen without judgment is perhaps my greatest challenge. To pull from what is heard and unheard gems that help get us or maybe it's just me closer to actualizing the underlying messages of community and education that undermine and perhaps undo the status quo that were intended to be preached about. In the meantime, I need a break and a place to find my own way for a while. Modeling the kinds of behaviors that lend to compassionate and loving community and education are what I thrive off of. I honestly can't expect to do it without perpetuating the very modeling I've come across to date. Where to find that kind of modeling is a mystery. To think I could solve it myself is a rather lofty mistake to make.
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