The people who have touched my life for the better help me to transgress programming that is still rather damaging to this day.
I am aware of tendencies that make me respond in negatively critical manners that end up being hurtful to others, especially those close to me. Having a my way or the highway type attitude about the way I think things ought to be can prevent me from being open to considering other interpretations of what I consider to be problematic things. Wanting others to feel what I feel, and considering what I feel to be right, are one of many areas I need to work on. Deep down I know if I really wanted to do damage to someone I could because I know how, I've learned from the best after all. But I don't want to. My life started out with living in this kind of hurt. I want to be more of a healing presence in the lives of others. But this doesn't always go as intended, which is why I am thankful for the people in my life I have been fortunate enough to have crossed paths with, because they show and teach me other ways of being.
Many of these people have shown me the power of patience done well, the art of listening, and the art of contemplation. In all of these people love resonates in their being. They care deeply about others and share of themselves without a second thought or without the desire of being acknowledged for having done anything at all. These people therefore teach me the art of humility and understanding as well.
I am still working on integrating these teaching into my own life's work. It can be hard to engage at times when I feel I am being reminded of how worthless I am, or that I am only being used rather than experiencing true acceptance. But at times when I trust these negative feelings, I know I am on to something. Especially when I know what love, care, respect, dignity , and nourishing interactions feel like, which means knowing when I am in the absence of such things.
Reminders of how much these friends, mentors, teachers, learners, loved ones, and overall genuinely awesome people, mean to me come in waves of celebration and sorrow. The loss of such people in life is hard because of the fact that there are less people out there willing to live love as their message. Not many realize the power love has in life. How it can help you achieve positive connections in all ways and means. People living love as their message, people utilizing love power as part of that, understand that all are to be cherished regardless of who they are or what they do. They remind us that we are loved and so too are they. Although sometimes I wonder if they realize this for themselves.
With the art of negative manipulation, how I was raised, you always are left wondering who to trust and more importantly who is coming to do you harm because it is what you inflicted on them. In spite of my shortcomings, I have always been careful not to cultivate these kinds of relationships in my life.
I forever have gratitude for the people in my life who continue to show me the ways of love, even when I come up short. I want to imprint this into my soul and life's work and will continue to struggle to do so. It is these people who remind me that I am loved--which was hard to believe early in life--and that this is something that should be given readily--something I struggle with when negative interactions and feelings come into play. Overcoming this programming is lifelong work. I am grateful to those willing to show me the way.
Many thanks for who you are and what you have done for me.
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