When someone asks “is she really the victim here?” and
follows up with “As a black woman she likely has some power in the situation,”
it is a challenge on two fronts. On the one hand, the listener is challenged
with considering this as a possibility which means further pondering what kind
of power a woman could have in this situation and to what extent the power one
has is also racialized. On the other hand the listener is challenged with the
assumption that once more, she is likely to be blamed as the cause of her own
demise. It’s even worse when a black man posits this question and dichotomizes
responses among women especially black women i.e. the strong black woman’s
response versus the black feminist response; where both groups place their
blackness and womanhood on the stereotypical dominantly derived hierarchy and
are thus mandated to view them as a negative juxtaposition.
Should I be considered black first and a woman second? This
seems to suggest that I put my womanity on the back burner in favor of highlighting
my blackness. Black people have long
been subordinated as a group and made to feel as though our lives are hardly
meaningful and worth snuffing out on a moment’s notice. So, is this to say that
in situations where black men are being called into account for treating black
women in this very way that my blackness should be at the forefront of any
response made? If so what response should that be? According to the strong
black woman mythos, the suggested response is to “stand by your man” because we
are both black and our spirits and lives have been similarly disheveled. But
look what ends up escaping the attention of both groups; a battered black
woman. But hey she’s strong, she’s black and she certainly is not a victim
right? Her blackness is what gives her her power, her strength. What ends up
happening is a familiar sort of abandonment, especially when it appears the
black male counterpart was provoked into doing such dastardly deeds. It’s
almost as if to say, she WANTED to be attacked or else she wouldn’t have done
what she did. –How this does not seem familiar when it comes to black men having been attacked and murdered by white
men in positions of power who would
claim the victim was being aggressive
and thus illicit such an uneven response on the part of black men is
beyond me—The result is abandonment by black men, black women, and anybody else
with a similarly dominant mindset that would rather believe they deserve what
they got than be considered people worthy of living without fear of being
minimized off the face of the earth. He
is upholding a status quo which is amplified by a blackness that demands his
dominance over any woman. Questioning this means undermining the black man and
by his logic the black community.
Why does there seem to be this insistence of this kind of
“strong black woman’s” response? That she massage and soothe the black man’s
wounded pride in favor of her own internal and external wounds which he insists
she deserves and/ or should considered insignificant to his pain? Who is there
to comfort and help her heal? Based on the black man’s response of the sort
where he demands the black woman consider her blackness above all else, it
appears as if he should not be expected to do such a thing blackness
considered. A strong black woman could be a viable option, however if a similar mindset is at play, then proceed with caution. What s/he can be counted on to do is reiterate how the black woman
being treated this way is not the victim and is powerful. A damning eulogy for
those who undergo soul and actual murder by the hands of their supposed savior—and
this goes for all supposed saviors.
A powerfully painful reminder that no one is coming to our rescue; which is not to suggest a commitment to the kind of strong black woman mythos that has the iron skin and soul that equips us for our continued subordination. Rather it is a painful reminder that no one is going to neither hold him responsible nor make him change his mind about us as beings who deserve the unconditional care and support as he does. When his love and support is given on the condition of your unyielding subordination it is hard to imagine him as any different from the people he claims to be protecting us from. (near tears when considering this possible truth)
A powerfully painful reminder that no one is coming to our rescue; which is not to suggest a commitment to the kind of strong black woman mythos that has the iron skin and soul that equips us for our continued subordination. Rather it is a painful reminder that no one is going to neither hold him responsible nor make him change his mind about us as beings who deserve the unconditional care and support as he does. When his love and support is given on the condition of your unyielding subordination it is hard to imagine him as any different from the people he claims to be protecting us from. (near tears when considering this possible truth)
She needs a community that looks out for her unconditionally and without judgment. A community that can model for her what that looks, feels, sounds, and acts like. A space where her blackness and womanity are acknowledged as parts of her whole self not to be minimized or negatively juxtaposed as competing entities.What kinds of space exist like this beyond family and friends (which can also be problematic depending on what dynamics exist within these settings)? How can we get to a place where, when taken as a whole, we are valued and value others--strength, weakness, and power included? I am continually searching for this space, albeit cautiously.
Note: This response meant to challenge an often dominant
response to black female victims of battering and/or murder--especially by those black men who inherently look down on black women who value both their blackness and womanity. By no means should this be considered a general rejection of black men, more-so a response to black men with a dominant masculine ethos. Instead it could be read as challenge to what it means to be a member of the black community in
terms of love and support. When blackness has been accounted for, how are women
regarded? How is this community different from a status quo that operates
similarly on the grounds of gender, let alone sexuality when it comes to
expressions of power? What would it mean to truly liberate ourselves from such
continued nonsense? Why do we continue to find such responses acceptable?
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