Justifying a real-life unfriending is very hard to do, but necessary because it has not been done before by me, actively. Given my desire to be a decent human being, such rejection--the moving away from friend-space--seems contradictory to this greater goal. Then I remember how far away from this desire this particular "friendship" was taking me as I found it harder and harder to identify with their living paradigm.
What is it to reject evil? Is evil real? Is it perpetuated
in rejection of those with such undesirable traits?
Working the path of change, trying to figure out, if this is
who they really are, why hang around? It seems they’ll just as soon burn the
world down with you in it because that is their medicine and you were a fool to
think it had to be yours too—that liking it was part of accepting who they are.
But what about you became an unacceptable response with an all too obvious
answer of you don’t matter because it’s not about you. Accepting this makes it all to easy for you to forget who you really are/who you really want to be, which is why you resist such logic as much as you are able to.
If what is said about
evil is true, then they are evil because they never bothered to understand the
world, nor you enough to know that their medicine does harm, no matter how it
is sold. Besides, you never felt comfortable around fire to begin with because
you weren’t a fan of pain. Didn’t stop you from trying to apply a healing
touch. They don’t see they are hurting you as you burn, in fact they did
nothing wrong because this is who they are and how they heal. You forgot fire
cannot be healed, only extinguished. So do not feel bad for walking away from
the fire. They know not what they do, but you know, which is why you had to
leave.
Healing is hard to do when you keep burning yourself trying to
understand and get close, thinking you were making your skin tough by trying to
get through to them. Don’t fool yourself; they will burn you to the bone
unknowingly, uncaringly, and say you wanted it, that you enjoyed it because you
stuck around thinking you could save them from the flames of their own demise.
Besides, accepting them for who they are, might mean doing so from a respectful
distance—far enough away so you aren’t the fuel for their fire.
And this is the resting place I have arrived at on this matter. Yes, healing needs to be done, but I am not sure this should involve anyone but my friends and myself. I might never be ready to face someone that maintains such a toxic demeanor. And why should I? Self-preservation, let alone self-love has taken a backseat long enough in my life.
Until next time...
